Dear Bean...today marks the eve of your 3rd Birthday, a day I feel delighted to reach. This time three years ago I headed in for an induction - they began the process and warned me that I would be in hospital for at least 48 hours to allow the meds to take effect. Your Daddy decided he would nip off for some lunch and assured me he would be back quickly. He was true to his word & within 10 mins he was back in the room and rather surprised to see that I was in full blown labour, being told to walk down to delivery. In a further 50 mins you arrived. There was no time for epidural (despite me assuring the numerous doctors & nurses that I could definitely stop you coming out - clearly I was not thinking straight!).
I was so proud to have given birth to you - you were a dinky bundle of love and joy to our family. It was without doubt one of the most momentous days of my life. I returned home a few hours after your birth, climbed into my own bed and the next morning your big sister, Bibi, came into meet you for the first time. It was truly magical.
The next year brought so many heartaches and strains that this beautiful day soon faded - it became too painful to even think about and by the time we reached your 1st birthday I was almost defeated. I was so sad that I'm ashamed to say I spent most of the day in tears - I desperately tried not to be this way... being negative is really not in my nature but it was overwhelming & overpowering. I couldn't even face making you a cake. I know that must sound appalling and I feel terrible guilt about this but sadness makes you do silly things. I remember watching Bibi being so excited for you - I was so proud of her for how patient and kind she was when you were so unwell.
Within weeks of your 1st birthday you were amazing me...you caught up on so much, you were getting stronger, gaining weight and your character was blossoming. Over the course of the last two years you have become the most wonderful little person - nothing scares you, you meet every new day with relish and constantly want to learn. The bond you and Bibi share brings a smile to my face every day.
This year I can look back on your birth with a smile & feel pride in how far you have come in three years. I truly believe you are destined for wonderful things - we, your family, will help you to achieve everything you wish for and all those loved ones who are no longer with us will forever watch over you. How I have missed their advice, support and company over these years.
Today also marks a year since I concluded my 'Happy Days' - it worked wonders for me. It made me focus on the positive people and things in my life. I realised that more good than bad happens on a daily basis, and those who court negativity have no place in my life. When I scroll back through my posts the thing I've learnt is that it's the simple things that make me happy - my family, my friends, my home.
Without sounding melodramatic the last three years have changed the way I approach each day. Through all the challenges, pain and tears, I feel now I am truly awake, truly able to see what I need to do to make a difference. The last three years have been the hardest but best years of my life. You inspire me every day and I'm excited for the year ahead.
So as the sun sets on your last day as a 2 year old, I wish that your 3rd birthday be as beautiful as you are.
Bibi xx
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